Well, I never really thought about it either until God started
doing a little tree work in my life.
I’d been studying Prayers That Heal the Heart by Mark
Virkler. In it, Mark teaches that
anything that steals our joy is A HEART ISSUE.
So, I started noticing what steals my joy. I found that I spent undue time processing
what I believed to be the motivation or reason behind other peoples’ actions….
“oh, they did that because they are afraid to…., or she does that because she
never had this, or he doesn’t do it because he knows I will.” In other words, “they’re afraid, they’re
lazy, they’re selfish, they’re fill in
the blank.” I found I also lose a
few minutes of joy when I get in the shower to no soap, or find something where
it doesn’t belong for the umpteenth time.
Sound familiar to anyone? Another
area that had come to my attention was my need to give everything or . (Believe me, this started WAY BEFORE
facebook!) It usually comes into play when I’m judging how I should spend my
time. If I think something is productive, UP, if not, DOWN (with perhaps a
raspberry sound included). I got a clue
the Holy Spirit was working on me in this area when I would give something a
big ole thumbs down only to find out later that God did something amazing with
it. I began to dialogue with God on
these issues, seeing similarities in my attitude and that’s when I started to consider…..
perhaps…. just maybe…., I was dealing with a heart issue of JUDGING.
Then came that fateful day in May of 2016, when I stepped
across the line with a member of my family.
During the conversation that ensued, this person said, “I’m sick of you
judging me!” gasp!!!......There is was….., the J word! Could this be
true?
No, you don’t understand!!! This was a really big deal for
me because judging is part of my very personality. Anyone take a personality test? One of the defining aspects of a person’s
type is whether you are Judging. Well, I
am Judging – off the charts! (I’m not
talking about judging if someone is a Christian or not, I feel confident that
is not my job.) This judging describes the
process by which we view the world, sort information and make decisions. It is fundamental to how I process…. In other
words, it’s part of my shape.
During this time, God started to show me some pretty
stunning examples of the fact that I am not really equipped to judge between
good and evil. One example came from
watching an interview of Jim Cavezeil about playing the role of Jesus in The Passion
of the Christ. (Btw, you should watch this interview on youtube!) Jim was talking about how the
whole movie was being kept a secret and that the next day after he had accepted
the part, Mel Gibson called to try to talk him out of it. Mel told Jim it would likely be his last role
in Hollywood, people would not be happy and that he (Mel) was the last person
who should be producing it…. I can only
guess why. It’s my understanding many powerful people in Hollywood are Jewish.
It would seem, just like in biblical times, no one wants to be blamed
for killing the Messiah. Also, Mel knew
what was in his own heart, some of the anti-Semitic remarks and actions, we
learned about later, no doubt made him feel unworthy of such an important task.
All of the sudden, a thought popped into my head. It is possible that God USED the anti-Semitism
in Mel to cause him to produce the Passion of the Christ? I don’t just mean
using bad for good, I’m talking about the idea that it was good that Mel has
these attitudes, so God could get this movie made…. What?!?! We would look at any racist comments and
actions and say, that is evil and should not exist, but God totally had a plan
for it! In fact, God is just as skilled
at using the good in people as He is at using the bad. We judge between good and evil with so little
information. God says, “Don’t call evil what I call good.”
Hmmmmm....So then, if judging is such a bad thing, why did He make me with a such a strong judging personality?
Hmmmmm....So then, if judging is such a bad thing, why did He make me with a such a strong judging personality?
Because He shaped me for His
glory, not mine. (whoa!)
So there it is, staring me in the face. I had a real heart
issue with judging. So, how do I get rid
of it? I went back to Prayers That Heal
the Heart and followed the process. Being the good little student, I
filled in all my blanks and thought I’d come to several key places where God
wanted to change my thinking. While
praying through this with a couple of friends, the Lord showed one of them a
large tree, and then words like pride, entitlement, control, perfectionism. Excuse me?
Not just judgment, but all these other things AND my issue looks like a
large tree?!? Have you ever heard the
question, “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, does it make a
sound?” The answer is “YES. It makes a
lot of sound, it throws papers around her office, uses a few choice words and
goes down with a mighty crash of tears and a “I GIVE UP” at about 3 in the
morning! I couldn’t believe that after
10 years of following hard after Jesus, I still had/have so much junk to
surrender!
I still don’t know exactly what that tree represents. Perhaps it is my self-image, perhaps it is THE TREE of the knowledge of good and
evil, itself?! I only know it is
rooted
in pride, grew through self-reliance and it produces control, entitlement,
judgment and separation.
I’m pretty sure we can’t cut down this particular tree, the best we can
do is crucify our “old man” on it, like Paul writes about in Romans Chapter 6. “Lord, I reject the tree of the knowledge of good
and evil today! I renounce my right to judge and acknowledge I don’t have the
capacity to rightly judge. I pray blessings over those I agree with and those I
don’t. Lord, with Your help, I purpose
to leave all judgments to You. I desire
to eat only from the tree of life!”
When I look at the arguments raging online between zealous Christians,
debating the finer points of our faith, vilifying “tv preachers” and coming to
verbal blows over politicians; I now realize I’m witnessing a bunch of well-meaning
people just eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Only God knows who he wants to hold the
position of president in the upcoming election. Let’s ask Him!
Jesus said to let the tares/weeds grow with the wheat. Nearly all of the
churches in Revelation had some things right and some things wrong. Let us hear what the Spirit is saying to us in
this hour. Let us take our eyes off of each other and fix them on Jesus, the
only righteous judge. Let us focus on
the plank in our own eyes and take our stand together against our real enemy. May it be so in my lifetime!